Once your outlook on just about everything in life is colored by a specific vantage point, I figure it’s good to at least have some fun with it.
Approximately once a year, my 3 daughters and I watch Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. I try to mimic his laugh, repeat quotes and ask them movie trivia throughout the year. This time, I took some notes below on how Pee Wee might actually be an agent for the cause of freedom and limited government (I’m stretching here…so have fun with it!)
Begin Movie
Dream 1: Bike race
- as the other cyclists are wearing national colors, Pee Wee rejects this blind nationalism and sticks with his individualistic grey suit. He understands nations are only social constructs, and are truly comprised of individuals.
- He’s awarded a crown of gold and jewels – – no fiat money for this guy!
Wake Up
- Abe Lincoln given the lowly job of pancake flipper; a proper beginning punishment for starting the unnecessary and illegal war to prevent Southern State independence which killed 600,000 Americans
- The fortune card tells him not to leave the house today. He disobeys in his typical disregard for authority.
- Pancakes, Bacon, eggs, and Mr T cereal – – Not exactly on Michelle Obama’s new food plate guidelines.
Leave the house
- 30 huge lawn ornaments violate every government county code for yard aesthetics.
- Using the octohead doll sprinkler isn’t very water efficient (but his right as a purchaser of the water).
- Bike plaque engraving says “Property of Pee Wee Herman” — not “property currently allowed per Social Contract and democratic majoritarian decree”. Pee Wee is obviously a Rothbardian natural law, natural rights guy.
- Refuses the rich guy’s (Francis) request for his bike. “It’s not for sale Fran – – cis!” proving that any true free market transaction must be voluntary and mutually beneficial.
- He is riding the bike without a helmet in the park. The laws start with mandatory bicylce helmets for our kids, but how long until they do the same for the adults?
- Pee Wee uses his own good sense about traffic patterns and safety, and doesn’t stop at the arbitrarily posted Stop sign at a neighborhood intersection
The Mall
- Pee Wee takes personal responsibility for the security of his property by using 300 feet of chain to lock up his bike.
- Mario’s Magic Shop – Pee Wee is playing with Billy the ventriloquist dummy and says “How do you like school Billy?” “Closed.” Haa hah!”. Pee Wee has obviously read LewRockwell.com and John Gatto, and understands that public schools are essentially government indoctrination camps.
- New items for Pee Wee’s consideration as Mario the entrepeneur must always innovate and please his customers. Trick gum, headlight glasses, and boomerang bowtie (in red of course).
- Pee Wee shows his individualism again at Chuck’s Bike-O-Rama when Dottie is asking him to go to the drive-in, “You don’t want to get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner Dottie, a rebel”
- The bike is gone! The government police offer to take a report as “the best we can do”, showing the basic unresponsiveness to customer needs you’d expect from a government monopoly.
Start the search
- Pee Wee goes to the station to fill out the report…and blames the Soviets (socialist bastards!).
- The lady police officer was nice and encouraged him to take matters into his own hands and retrace his steps (rely on yourself, not the government).
- Now he goes to Francis’ house and we see the return of Odd-Job! He was last seen trying throwing a razor sharp bowler hat at Sean Connery in Fort Knox. Goldfinger’s attempt to steal the gold was amateur hour compared to the gold thieving skills of FDR, the federal government and the federal reserve.
- Francis eating navy soldiers in the tub; poor young souls sent by rich old men to find an fight monsters in foreign lands (or large tubs)
- “We don’t need to involve the authorities, do we Mr. Buxton?” Noting that civilized people can very easily resolve most disputes on their own.
- Pee Wee posts a reward for $10,000 for the return of his bike. Recognizing that market incentives will increase his chances for a successful economic transaction and increased utility.
Pee Wee holds meeting.
- As Dottie and Chuck arrive “Good! We can finally start the big meeting!” Exhibit A: photo of Pee Wee and his bike; Exhibit B: Pee Wee but no bike! Crowd gasps, PW asks if Amazing Larry has something to share with the rest of us?
- Exhibit Q; scale model of entire mall…Jupiter was aligned with Pluto, the moon was aligned…”
- The mind plays tricks on you. You plays tricks back!
- You may be asking yourself what’s the significance of the above 3 bullets to libertarian theory – – and like Pee Wee’s exhibit C (the pen) “I Don’t Know!”
- PW to Dottie: “I don’t need the police, and I don’t need you. I don’t need anybody!” — A nuanced point here as libertarians strongly believe in the benefits of cooperative society; particularly as relates to the division of labor, Pee Wee will eventually learn this too.
Hit the Road
- PW hisses to ward off alley way hooligans instead of relying on police “protection”; by the way, police protection is definitively not a right
- Madam Ruby : she accepts cash only; this particular con artist isn’t aware of the fiat money con. A smarter person would’ve demanded gold or silver.
- Hitchhiking – illegal in most states; why?
- Mickey Perelli – the escaped convict with broken handcuffs on his wrist. His crime “I lost my temper, I took a knife and I uh…you know those little do not remove under the penalty of law tags they’ve got on mattresses? yeah. Well I cut one off. I got a real bad temper. PW: “Well I always that was one of the dumbest laws!”
- As PW is recapping his story to Mickey, “…the police weren’t any help so I decided to take the law into my own hands.”
- Road block – PW dressed in drag. The officer so focused on hitting on PW in his “cute little outfit” that he misses the dangerous criminal in his midst. Will the officer be fired for incompetence? Nope.
- Jail – lift weights, take long showers, watch tv…not so bad. A libertarian society would focus more on justice and restitution to the actual victim, and less on fairly cushy prison terms for supposed crimes against a construct we call “society”
Hit the Road 2
- Large Marge “…when they finally removed the body from the twisted, burning wreck, it looked like this!”
- Wheel Inn – forgets his wallet at Madam Ruby’s. Washes dishes to pay off his tuna platter and milk shake. Simone gives a little extra as charity. Again, civilized people resolving a problem without coercive authority…and then supplementing with true charity (voluntary).
- In response to Simone’s dream of going to Paris, but…PW: “Everyone I know has a big but. come on Simone let’s talk about your big but.” This seems like most conversations about Ron Paul. People love him, and want to support him…”But…”
- Andy initiates aggression against PW for believing he is trying to make a move on his gal Simone. But our gut instict is correct to say Andy is not justified to initiate aggression as PW has not violated any of Andy’s natural rights/property.
- PW hops aboard moving train (probably not a legitimate invasion of the railroad’s property). Dreams of a TRex eating his bike. Awakes to hobo laying next to him offering him imported sardines.
- Sings “when she comes”; Susanna don’t you cry; shoo fly shoo; skip to my lou, jimmy cracked corn…PW jumps off train and lands in San Antonio
- History of Alamo — Mexico gov 200 volunteers fought off 4000 mexican troops. Davey Crockett, a true American hero. A true story below about his “Not yours to give” speech to congress.
- The line that probably launched Jane Hooks SNL career: “Adobe”
- “There’s no basement at the alamo!” laughter. PW was right, they don’t teach this type of useful information in government camps (public schools).
- Simone making her wish come true…individual responsibility and action makes it happen.
- Calls Dottie for help. “The stars at night are big and bright” [crowd clapping] Crowd: “deep in the heart of texas!”. PW: “Can you wire me a bus ticket? I’ll pay it back I promise”. Forget fiat, let’s barter – – drive in date for bus ticket.
- #9 rodeo “Lloyd Fletcher riding Volcano”. Awakes. Remembers nothing except the Alamo. Yee haw!
- Biker Bar. Shhooshes the Satan’s Helpers as he is trying to use the phone. His punishment and last Request… platform shoes and then dances to Tequila. Drives the motorcycle into the billboard.
- Ambulance to hospital. Dream 2 clowns take his bike to surgery. Francis is the devil. No health insurance…was he treated “free” of charge?
- While recovering, he sees his bike given to Kevin’s brother Wayne from the Wonder Years.
WB studios
- PW the nun – he get’s his bike and the chase begins.
- Private Security = immediate response vs. the much less responsive “services” provided by our tax funded boys in blue.
- Twisted sister “you’re gonna burn in hell”. PW turbo boosts over the house – – eat that David Hasselhoff and KITT!
- Pet shop on fire. Where is the gov’t? Citizen PW to the rescue. He frees the chimp first. Dogs, pigeons, ducks, rats. fish…and eventually even the snakes. All saved…and then the gov’t first responders get there.
- Back at the WB studio, watching his chase antics. Terry Hawthorne. Movie offer instead of charges. Another conflict resolved privately.
Drive In
- The top secret X1 with plans that could endanger the world. James Brolin as PW before his testicles were neutered by the socialist Streisand.
- Tries to give Mickey foot long with metal file…attempting to free him from unjust incarceration. “Good try Pee Wee”.
- Name’s Herman, PW Herman. “Paging Mr. Herman. Mr. Herman, you have a telephone call at the front desk.”
- Phil Hartman asking Francis “When exactly did you guys become blood brothers”. No real libertarian point here, just a shout out to an incredible talent – – we miss you Troy McClure and unfrozen caveman lawyer.
- “Don’t you want to stick around to see the rest of the movie?” PW: “I don’t have to see it Dottie, I lived it”
End Movie.
Pee Wee, unwitting hero for individual liberty and top 20 movie of all time.
This is great Tony! Good job! and very funny!